Kidnap My Heart
by N.V.9
Summary: They may be famous but they are still humans with hormones.
1. Chapter 1

**1**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

"OMG! Did you see them on TV?" Sakura asked excitedly her hands flying everywhere, uncaring of the small area within the van. "Sasuke is so cute! And his brother is so hot!"

"They are very attractive." Hinata blushed, "But Gaara is the hottest one."

"What! The Uchiha brothers are gorgeous!" Sakura aruged.

"What about the two blondes?" Kyuubi asked, avoiding Sakura's hand as she threw it out in an arch again. "Aren't there two blonds in the group?"

"Yeah, Deidara and Ino... I'm so jealous. Ino gets to be surrounded by hot guys all the time." Sakura pouted.

"She is lucky." Hinata agreed. How she wished she could at least meet her biggest crush ever. Gaara was the only one that made her face go red when she thought of him... Well Naruto did too, but Naruto saw her more as a friend and anything else. How depressing was that? Of course, it didn't stop her from dreaming about becoming Mrs. Naruto Uzamaki.

"I heard that Fi5ve is going to be coming this way to perform." Kyuubi said and flinched as Sakura began screeching. Shows what he gets for trying to be nice and participate in their lives!

"We have to go!" Sakura yelled squealing with Hinata.

"Will you both stop that or else I'll drop you off right here in the middle of nowhere." Kyuubi threatened as he began to slow the van down.

"Kyuubi! if you do, I'm going to tell Naruto." Sakura glared at her best friend's brother, said best friend that she also had a major crush on, that was just, if not bigger, then the one she had on Sasuke and Itachi Uchiha.

"And? I'm older I can do what I want." Kyuubi said sulking as he picked up speed again.

"So? Naruto still bosses you around." Sakura said smirking. "It's sad that a nineteen year old teen does whatever a fifteen year old says."

"Very sad." Hinata giggled behind her hands.

"Shut up!" Kyuubi yelled.

"Why? It's true. What ever Naruto wants you do. You're like his slave." Sakura went on laughing.

"No it's not! I'm older! I'm the boss!"

"No Kyuubi," Hinata said trying to control her giggles. "You may be older but if Naruto says jump, you jump."

"What?!" Kyuubi couldn't believe this. This is what he got for helping out his brother's friends.

"Naruto told you to pick us up and you did." Sakura pointed out.

"I was being nice." Kyuubi argued.

"He told you to buy us an ice cream." Hinata said.

"I felt like it... What if I thought to buy you an ice cream?"

"You didn't... You hate buying us things." Sakura smirked. "Just like you hate talking to us, but Naruto wants you to be our friend too."

"Hey look what's that?" Hinata asked pointing from the back seat toward a limo in the middle of the road. "Is that smoke?" Yes it was indeed smoke coming out of the open hood.

"Looks like some poor rich guy is stuck." Kyuubi laughed, already trying to figure out how to go around the limo.

"You have to stop and help them." Hinata argued as they got closer.

"Why?"

"Because if you don't we'll tell Naruto." Sakura said.

"So?" When they only contiuned to watch him he groaned and slowed down. "I'm doing this because I'm a nice guy, not because of Naruto."

"Whatever." Sakura said once they stopped beside the limo. Getting out of the van she waited until Kyuubi came around the front and Hinata opened the back door.

"For all we know they could have already left." Kyuubi pouted looking at the long limo. It would be so cool to be in one... Maybe he could sit in this one and pretend it was his... no they'd laugh at him and tell Naruto... Not that he cared. He was the boss, not his little brother.

"Maybe they're asleep?" Hinata offered.

"Or dead." Kyuubi tossed back.

"Well we won't know unless we knock." Sakura said tapping on the window.

"Look's like no one is here let's go." Kyuubi said already going back to the van.

"WAIT!" Someone yelled.

Turning around the three somewhat friends noticed a girl with a messy ponytail, running out from beneath the shade created by a giant rock. Behind her, four other people ran waving their arms.

"DONT LEAVE US!" another blonde said.

"Do they look-" Kyuubi frowned, thinking he knew them from somewhere.  
"OMG!" Sakura said, shocked. "They're Fi5ve!"

"What..." Hinata said blinking and looking closer. Sure enough she saw Gaara running in his trademark leather red pants and vest.

"Hmmmm." Kyuubi asked watching Ino's chest bounce up and down in her tight t-shirt.

"PERV!" Sakura yelled hitting him upside the head, "I'm telling Naruto!"  
"Damn it!" Kyuubi pouted already hearing Naruto getting after him.

"Thank you for waiting." Ino said between breaths as they all stopped in front of the three. "Our car broke down like hours ago and our driver took off to get help. Turns out we don't get reception in this place."

"I wonder why..." Kyuubi said sarcasticly.

"Kyuubi." Sakura warned elbowing him in the chest. "I'm Sakura, this is Hinata and that's Kyuubi... OMG! We are such big fans of yours!" She said blushing as Sasuke looked at her.

"Great...Can we get a ride into town?" Deidara asked checking out...Kyuubi? Kyuubi looked to the right and then the left. He then looked behind himself and cursed. This was not his day.

"Nothing's open right now. Everything closes at seven. Small town." Kyuubi explained moving to stand behind Sakura.

"We can't just leave them here." Hinata whispered fiercly as she smiled sweetly at Gaara. He was so cute. Neji would be so jealous.

"So can we get a ride or not?" Itachi asked annoyed. God he was covered in sweat, he had to spend the last two hours listening to Ino and Deidara complain about their hair. He also had to spend the last two hours watching Gaara and Sasuke glare at each other. He was at his limits!

"N-" Kyuubi started only to grunt as Sakura hit him.

"Sure jump in."  
"Sakura the blonde guy is checking me out." Kyuubi whined as he pulled her away from the group.

"He's cute go for it." Sakura said looking at Sasuke and Itachi with hearts in her eyes.

"I'm not gay!" Kyuubi argued.

"I'm telling Naruto that you didn't help them." Sakura said glaring at the annoying red head.

"Damn it!" Kyuubi yelled, stomping to the driver's side. "Well get it!" He glared as Deidara got in beside him. "Don't touch me."

"But you're so cute." Deidara winked.

"I'm not gay."

"But you want to be."

Kyuubi held back a shudder as the doors closed. Looking in the rear view mirror he notice all of the bags in the back seat.

"What the hell..."

"Most of them are Ino's." Itachi explained. Stupid Ino took up all of the room. She was so sharing her hair products with him or else. Itachi did not have bad hair days. EVER!

"Go." Sasuke said trying to push Sakura off of his laps and on to his brothers.

"You're not the boss of me."

"He's right... Naruto is." Sakura said, "NOW GO! Or I'm telling Naruto!"

"Damn it!" Kyuubi yelled moving forward.

When the driver finally returned hours later he blinked in shock... Fi5ve had been kidnapped! "Kakashi is going to kill me!" Yamato groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

"We're here!" Kyuubi yelled happily as he stomped on the breaks. "Get out!"

"Are you always so demanding? I like it." Deidara smiled reaching a hand out to touch him.  
"Out!" he yelled, opening his own door and falling out. He had enough of the touching. He needed a shower to get rid of the Deidara's unwanted touches. "For the last time I'm NOT gay!"

"I can change that." Deidara called, jumping out of his side and running around.

"I like girls, boobs, and everything that involves girls!" Kyuubi yelled getting up quickly and running off. "GO AWAY!"

"But we are meant to be together!" Deidara yelled running after him. "I confessed my love to you!"  
"We only met twenty _long_ minutes ago!" Kyuubi cried, looking over his shoulder. Spotting Deidara, he picked up his speed and then he turned left and ran into the meadow beside his house.

"Where are we?" Itachi asked standing beside the van, as far from Sakura as he could get. No one said he was a good brother, so he didn't feel at all guilty for leaving Sasuke to the little pink bug. How could she molest Little Sharingan? He knew it wasn't an accident the forth time she 'accidently slipped'.

"We're at Naruto's house." Sakura giggled, hanging off of Sasuke's arm. Even if he was struggling to be set free, she would never let him go.

"Who's Naruto? You kept threatening Kyuubi with this guy all the way here." Ino asked combing her hair.

"H-he's Kyuubi's brother." Hinata blushed as she shot Gaara love sick eyes. "He's hot."

"Hot?" Gaara asked with an odd look.

"Yeah. To die for hot." Sakura giggled, shooting Sasuke a flirty look.

"Let go." Sasuke glared, which Sakura just ignored.

"What are we doing here?" Itachi asked looking around at the farm house. It was nice but it was still a farm house. At least he couldn't smell the cows... yet.

"It's the only place open to everybody. Since it's a small town there's not many teens. Everyone that's a teen hangs out here. It's isolated and fun plus it always has food." Sakura giggled again.

Itachi was beginning to think Sakura was a giggling idiot and a pervert that molested Little Sharingan.

"What's going on out here? Sakura is that you?"

"Naruto we brought friends, I hope you don't mind." Sakura yelled letting go off Sasuke as she ran toward the speaker. Apparently there was one way to be free of her. Sasuke had to remember that.

Fluttering her eyes she giggled and blushed. "They're famous friends."

"Who are they? Where's Kyuubi?"

"Wow." Gaara, Ino, Sasuke, and Itachi said as one. Naruto was a hottie. Like so hot he'd melt the North Pole.

"Speaking of Kyuubi," Sakura started. "Did you know he wanted to-"

Kyuubi grinned as he appeared behind Sakura, his hand over her mouth. "Hey little brother, first off, it was my idea to help them out. Whatever Sakura says is a lie."

"Kyuubi? Where did you go?" Deidara called from the meadow. "Kyuubi? My love?"

"Who is that?" Naruto asked confused. "Who are these people?"

"Fi5ve!" Neji yelled in shock as he came out onto the porch. "Oh my god! It's Fi5ve!"

Behind Neji more people ran out of the house to see what was going on. Upon seeing Fi5ve they all freaked out and went fangirl and boy on them. Now Naruto was lost.

"Enough!" Naruto yelled stopping everyone in there places. Looking around he sighed. Kyuubi was on the floor struggling to crawl away as a blonde guy held on to his right leg.

Sakura was still hugging his arm. Hinata and Neji were glaring at eachother as they held a freaked out red head between them.

Kiba was hanging off of Hinata's arm.

A blonde girl was all over a blushing Shikamaru. Hidan was sneaking away from a lustful looking older raven. Sai was glaring at the younger raven for unknown reasons as they stood on either side of Naruto.

"Now explain all of you." Naruto demanded. Like one everyone stood quickly and lined up around Naruto as they tried to explain their part of the story.

"One at a time please." Naruto sighed. Where were his parents when he needed them?

"Okay so this is what happened..." Kyuubi began telling the story. Every once in a while Sakura would interrupt with her point of view, which Kyuubi would deny and an argument would start.

"Stop." Naruto said. "So you kidnapped a famous band and brought them here. Kyuubi was being rude." Kyuubi shifted guiltily as he forced a fake grin. "Sakura molested Itachi, who has the hots for Hidan. Deidara has the hots for my idiot brother, who I will be talking to later tonight about his actions-"  
"Naruto-" Kyuubi started to whine. He hated lectures.

"-Ino thought Sai was hot until he said he was gay now she has the hots for Shikamaru. Hinata and Neji both have crushes on Gaara, but Gaara could care less. Kiba is mad because Hinata still won't go out with him. Then we have Sai and Sasuke who won't say why they hate eachother...did I miss anything?"

"Me and Kyuubi are getting married." Deidara said cheerfully.

"No we are not! Naruto tell him I'm too young!" Kyuubi glared at Deidara as he pushed his way to his brother. "Tell him I'm straight! Tell him you don't approve!"  
"And he says Naruto doesn't rule his life." Sakura and Hinata snickered earning a glare form Kyuubi.

"We didn't kidnap the band." Hinata said blushing when all eyes turned toward her. "We temporarily borrowed them."  
"No they are not! Sakura made me kidnap them! I was all for leaving them there." Kyuubi said.

"You would have left people in need of help?" Naruto asked raising a brow.

"No, uh, you heard me wrong...Um, Naruto-"

"See, I told you, you grovel to Naruto." Sakura smirked.

"And you don't? Who's the one hanging off of him when her supposed crush is standing inches from her?" Kyuubi shot back.

"Someone with taste." Sakura sniffed.  
"Not that it matters, because Naruto is mine." Sai glared harder at Sasuke. Oh yes it was on.

"Is he now?" Sasuke asked narrowing his eyes. Message recieved.

"You guys are all idiots." Hidan said breaking up the silent war. "I'm going home."

"I'm going with you." Itachi decided smiling.  
"No you're not."  
"You can't tell me what to do."  
"You are not my problem. I didn't kidnap you."  
"But you want to." Itachi smirked at Hidan's glare.

"I'm not into you." Hidan snarled.

"But you are." Itachi smirk widen.

"Since when?"

"Since now. Come on I've never been kidnap before. I'll let you tie me to your bed." Itachi said walking after a blushing Hidan.  
"Naruto!" Hidan yelled running back.

"Not my problem." Naruto smirked.

"Come on man, you have to help me!" Hidan whined as Kyuubi took it as his cue to whine as well.

"Everyone stop!" Naruto yelled when everyone got into the whining match. "Everyone is going to go inside. We are going to finish watching the movie. Deidara, Itachi, Ino, Kiba, Neji, Hinata, Sakura, Sai, Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Gaara, all of you will not molest anyone. Do I make myself clear?"

"But-" Half of the people started.

"Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear." Naruto demaneded this time. Everyone jumped then nodded. Satisfied Naruto turned back inside.

"He is so hot when he gets all commanding on us." Sakura sighed running after the blonde.

Everyone else agreed and followed after them. Kyuubi just pouted. At least his butt was safe from Deidara.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

"Say it one more time." Kakashi said trying to control his tone of voice.

"Um, Fi5ve is gone?" Yamato said making it sound like a question.

"Are they or aren't they gone?" Kakashi asked meeting Iruka's stunned eyes. For the last ten minutes, Kakashi had been speaking to Yamato about the disappearance of a very famous band. For the first nine of those minutes, Yamato had babbled around the main point of the call. Why would Kakashi care about the weather from there? Who cared about landscapes? And no, he was not interested in owning a ford pick-up.

"Yes." Yamato said quietly, so quietly Kakashi was afraid he heard wrong.

"Louder."  
"Yes!"

Okay, not that loud, Kakashi thought as he flinched away from Yamato's voice.

"Where exactly and how exactly did you lose Fi5ve?" Kakashi demanded. In a blink of an eye he was seeing his future, begging on the streets for money. Fi5ve brought him here and okay he might like them a little.

Gaara with his need for red leather. So it was impractical but the fans loved it.

Ino with her constant chatter. Sure he'd like for her to shut up for twenty-four hours, fifty-nine minutes, and fourty two seconds of the day but guys were drawn to her figure.

Deidara who tended to over react when it came to love. Let's hope he hadn't fallen in love with his captor. Wouldn't that be something?

Sasuke with his bastard ways. So he was cold, people in the desert needed to keep cool somehow.

And Itachi, the only person Kakashi knew that named his penis and would sacrifice his brother in an instant to keep himself safe. Not to mention he was good with people... Not! Itachi was terrible when it came to people. He had no manners and tended to say things before he thought about them, damn the consequences.

All of them together were exactly what the world wanted. They loved Fi5ve and now Iruka was crying. Wonderful. Iruka crying was like santa being murdered, it wasn't a joyous occasion, although Kakashi sometimes felt like throwing rocks at Santa when he saw him at the store.

"Um, somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. If it helps, they took their bags so they can still be pretty." Yamato said helpfully.

"Wonderful, if they're kidnapped we wouldn't want them to be ugly."

"Really?"

"NO!" Kakashi yelled and tried to tune out Iruka's very loud sobs. Why was this happening to him? Why him? Was it because he secretly liked to read porn? Ha! That wasn't a secret anymore. Not since he first opened a book on public television and began reading it because he was bored with the host of the show and wanted to recharge his batteries. At the time he was twelve year old singer that decided he was too lazy to travel out of his own city. Now a days he stayed home and ordered people around so he never had to leave. He was also the manager of Fi5ve and a few other not so famous bands.

"So what do I do?" Yamato asked with a tremble in his voice.

"Find them." Was it that hard being Yamato? Did he have no brain of his own?

"Where?"

"You can start with the last place you saw them." Kakashi sighed.

"The last place I saw them was in the limo but they aren't in there anymore." Kakashi could tell Yamato was smiling with that one.

"Have you searched outside of the limo?"

"Was I supposed to?"

"Yamato!"

"Okay, okay, I'm going!" Yamato cried and hung up.

With a glower in place, Kakashi pressed a button and called in two bodyguards that he should of sent with Yamato but like an idiot, he thought Yamato could handle the band.

"You rang?" Sasori asked as he came in with Kisame at his side.

"Go find Fi5ve." Kakashi ordered and then motioned for them to leave. When they were gone he sighed again and turned to Iruka, who was now curled into a ball and screaming like there was no tomorrow. "Can this day get any better?"

Seconds later his phone rang. "Yes?"

"Kakashi," Haku, his assistant said, "You have a press conference in twenty minutes."

"Joy." Kakashi said and hung up.

K-m-H

The next morning, Naruto found he couldn't move. With a frown in place, he tried to wiggle free but it was like something was holding him down or more like somethings. Lifting his head as much as he could, he found Sai laying half on top of him and Sasuke laying on the other half of him. "What the?" he could have sworn when they went to bed, he put both guys on the floor because his bed was too small and he was so not sleeping on the floor. That was for the guest.

Taking a breath, Naruto wiggled and wiggled and wiggled some more until he ended up at the top of the bed. Stretching his leg over Sasuke's head, he jumped off and landed with an 'omph' sound. Turning around he saw Sai now snuggling into Sasuke and Sasuke doing the same in return. "Weirdos." he shook his head and went to the hallway.

Stopping again he looked at his brother's closed door. He knew Kyuubi and Hidan had escaped into the room when it was time for bed. He also knew Itachi and Deidara were not supposed to be sitting outside the door, asleep. He remembered putting them in one of the four guest rooms. The girls had taken one. Gaara was roomed with Deidara and Itachi. Shikamaru was sharing with Kiba and Neji in another and the last one was empty since it was in the process of being turned into his dad's studio because the last one wasn't working anymore. Something about the sun being in the wrong spot.

With another shake of his head, Naruto stepped over the two and went to the bathroom. When he was done he checked his parents room to see if they were there and found them still gone. How long were they going to be on vacation?

Going to the kitchen he started to make breakfast before he remembered he didn't know how to cook. Kyuubi did though. "KYUUBI!" Naruto shouted as he sat at one of the empty chairs.

Moments later Naruto heard two thumps followed by a scream and then running footsteps. "You rang?" Kyuubi grinned.

"What are you wearing?" Naruto asked.  
"Clothes?" Kyuubi said looking down at himself.

"All of them?"

"No... Hidan has the rest." Kyuubi explained. "So did you need something? And can I call the cops and say we had a break in and they are still here?"

"Yes and no you can't. I'm hungry." Naruto said and just like that Kyuubi was making breakfast. Over the course of cooking it began to get hot, causing Kyuubi to sweat and, with one article at a time, he lost his clothes until he was down to his favorite boxers and a white t-shirt. The rest was all piled on one of the chairs. Naruto being the nice brother, that he was told Kyuub to do the laundry and that he could do Naruto's while he was at it. Kyuubi being the nice brother that he was, nodded and said okay.

It was nice being in charge. Naruto wasn't sure how that came about. He just one day gave an order and people jumped to do as he said. Why that was, he wasn't sure. He wasn't really good at anything.

He couldn't draw, even his scribbles looked horrible.

He couldn't paint, the fumes made him sick.

He couldn't sing, it even hurt his ears.

He couldn't dance, two left feet? Ha, Naruto seemed to have three and then a pair of elephant legs.

He couldn't write to save his life. Essays were beyond him.

He couldn't cook, burning yourself on the stove all the time gets old.

He wasn't brain smart, only average smart.

He wasn't good at video games, the game could be off and he'd still lose.

He couldn't play an instrument since they all broke after he got a hold of them.

He wasn't an actor since he hated following what other people wanted.

Naruto didn't have one talent he was good at. He was an average kid who did nothing amazing and still people followed everything he did like he was some kind of king. At first Naruto thought he had super powers but when they didn't work on his parents he decided he didn't.

The only thing Naruto had going for him was his looks. Sure it was bad to rely on that but Naruto didn't think he had anything else to go with. One word from him and people ran to do as he told them too. All the while smiling.

When Kyuubi placed a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of him, Naruto thanked him and dug in. Seconds later he was given a glass of orange juice and Kyuubi left to go start laundry.

By the time Naruto was almost done, he heard quite a few screams and then more running feet. First to enter the kitchen was Sasuke and Sai in nothing but their boxers. Both accusing the other of molesting them and demanding Naruto get rid of the other.

Second to enter was Hidan half naked and Itachi in the process of taking more clothes off. Hidan was running around the kitchen with Itachi hanging off of his many layers of pants and telling him to strip.

Third was Gaara in his leather pants with Neji and Hinata once again hanging off of him. He told Naruto that he woke up to these freaks fighting on top of him.

Then came Kiba who cried and said he wanted Hinata to fight over him

Deidara entered crying, saying he couldn't find his future husband and he wanted to do some morning nookie.

Sakura came in and latched onto Naruto as she told him about her perfect wedding dream. Naruto could have sworn a half naked Sasuke would have claimed her attention but it seemed her trying to sit on him was gaining both Sasuke's and Sai's angry gaze.

Finally came Ino and Shikamaru. Naruto waited for either to make a complaint but Shikamaru just shrugged his shoulders and said 'She's hot, so sue me.' Apparently Ino had snuck into Shikamaru's room.

When Kyuubi came back up from the basement, he screamed and took off running outside with Deidara right behind him.  
After five minutes of everyone, but Ino and Shikamaru complaining- because they were stupidly gazing into eachothers eyes- Naruto had enough. "STOP!" he shouted and just like that even the cricket went quiet. No one liked a pissed of Naruto. "Sit!" and the table was full. Even Deidara and Kyuubi were there sitting like naughty school children. "Kyuubi make breakfast. Shikamaru set the table. Hinata pour the juice. Everyone else shut up. I'm going to take a shower. Someone wash my plate."

When he left the room he heard a crash and then Sasuke, Sai, and Sakura saying the plate was theirs. Ignoring it he went and took his shower. When he came out, Kyuubi latched on to him as did Hidan, both older teens crying about perverted stalkers. Said perverted stalkers were waiting calmly a little ways away, waiting for their 'boyfriends', which were not at all happy to be tied to the two famous boys.

Was this what it was like to be around famous people? Naruto wondered. If so, he nevered wanted to be famous.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

Naruto turned his gaze to the left, then to the right, and finally behind him. He had a feeling he was being stalked and the feeling was right on target.

After his shower, he decided to go for a walk after ordering everyone else to clean his house and make his bed. He wasn't going to get in trouble for a messy house when his parents came home.

That was hours ago and Naruto felt no need to return yet. He was sure Kyuubi could handle Deidara just as Hidan could take care of Itachi. They were almost grown men, two almost grown straight men with gay stalkers, but they could take care of it.

Feeling three pairs of eyes on him, Naruto sighed and got up from his resting spot to head home. Immeditaly he heard them following behind him. They really sucked for stalkers. He knew Sakura was the one behind him. She couldn't do stealth even if it hit her. Sai had to be to the right because he was more quiet then Sasuke, who had to be to the left, because no one but a famous person would wear any type of expensive spray. And the wind happened to be blowing from the left toward the right.

Deciding to ignore them, Naruto kept going until he saw something that shocked him. Up on his roof was Kyuubi and Hidan screaming and swatting at Itachi and Deidara, who were trying to get up there. On the ground Kiba was glaring at Gaara who was completely ignoring him, Hinata, and Neji as the two Hyuugas had a grip on his head and body, trying to pull him to their side. Hinata and Neji also happened to be screaming very surprisingly, yet funny, insults at eachother.

Shikamaru was sitting on the ground in front of the porch as Ino modeled her clothes for him. If he drooled anymore, Naruto was going to hit him with the hose to get back all the water he was losing.

"Naruto! Save me!" Kyuubi shouted spotting his brother as he pushed the metal ladder down again with Deidara still on it. "I'm being molested!"

"I haven't got to the molesting part yet!" Deidara shouted as he once again put the ladder against the house. "It'll be fun!"

"I like girls!"

"If you get rid of the 'i', 'r', and 'l', and replace it with 'u' and 'y', you would have spelt guys!" Deidara shouted happily at his logic.

"Naruto! I didn't realize you were back yet." Sakura smiled as she came...from inside his house? How the heck...must have been while he was watching Kyuubi and Hidan...and there goes Itachi flying to the ground. No one better sue him for the damage done to morons.

"Naruto!" Sai shouted intercepting Sakura, using his strength to side bump her and sending her into the weeds growing along the path. He'd have to get someone to cut those later. Looking around he realized he negleted his chores. He was not looking forward to chores.

"Idiot." Sasuke said from behind Naruto as he wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist and glared over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Naruto questioned turning his face to look at Sasuke.

"Claiming my property." Sasuke said seriously as Sai and Sakura started yelling and demanding the release of their boyfriend.

"Property?" Naruto questioned with narrowed eyes. Oh hell no, he was not property. Everyone else was property that did what he wanted. "Is that so?"

"Y-yes?" Sasuke gulped. Naruto smirked at the fear running through the Uchiha's eyes. "N-no?"

"Hmmm." Naruto said. "Attention!" He shouted and watched as everyone turned to face him. "Look, I'm feeling lazy today so I can't do my chores and I am not going to make my parents angry at me by not doing them. So you guys are going to do them." when no one questioned this he gave them all a task. Much to Kyuubi's dismay and Deidara's delight he had them both feeding the animals. Itachi and a crying Hidan were on weed protol. Shikamaru and Ino went to water the flowers, which surrounded the whole three hundred acres they owned. Hinata and Neji went to go get rid of the wasp that seemed to have popped up out of nowhere. Gaara was sent to cut the grass, by himself because he didn't want anyone to help him. Sakura was going to fix fences, because Naruto needed a break from her, and Sasuke and Sai were going to wash the cars...and the tracters...and the trucks...and everything else with wheels.

Hours later Naruto sat on the porch, drink drinking lemonade, because just watching them do chores made him feel exhuasted, they were all done. Deciding to be nice, he gave them all a glass of lemonade, which he knew Kyuubi made earlier because it tasted like Kyuubi's, and then kindly told them they smelt gross and they needed a shower before their smell made him want to barf.

"Where are the parents when you need them?" Naruto asked the sky as he heard Kyuubi shouting for Deidara to get out one of three bathrooms, and Hidan doing the same with Itachi as Gaara shouted for the Hyuuga morons to get lost because he was taking a shower without them.

K-m-H

"Yamato," Kisame called as said man crawled all over the ground, around the limo, calling for Fi5ve like they were dogs and looking under rocks.

"Ah!" Yamato shouted as he jumped and turned to face them. "Oh it's you guys. Thank god, I lost the group!"

"Why would they be under that rock? It's smaller then a rat." Sasori said boredly.

"Well Kakashi told me to look around the limo and I am."

"That was two days ago. Have you searched farther then this?"

"Nope. I wanted to leave no stone unturned. I would have combed the place but my last one broke when I was combing the dirt and it got stuck in some plants. I think it might be poison ivy because it gave me a rash. See." he said and lifted his shirt to show his very gross red chest that looked like he scratched it like crazy causing it to look even worse. "So stay clear of that area."

"We'll do that." Kisame answered as Sasori facepalmed. Why did Kakashi have to hire stupid people? Even the band he was so fond of was filled with stupid people. The only sane and smart enough to make it in life was Gaara. The others... well, Kisame would not want to be them ever! How Sasori dated Deidara at all for any length of time was beyond him. "Come on Sasori, let's go look in town. Yamato...you look here."

"Okay." The man saluted as he began searching and calling again.

"Idiot." Sasori said as they took off. "Nothing but idiots."

"You dated one."

"A mistake on my part." Sasori said with a groan. "I might have been drunk when I agreed to date him."

"For three months?"

"Shut up."


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

Naruto's eyes had turned to ping-pong balls. Or that was how they felt since they kept bouncing back and forth between one person to the next. Or two people to the other two people. On one side of the room was Deidara and Itachi, demanding to be set free of the binds that were wrapped around them. On the other side was Kyuubi and Hidan grinning and high-fiving as they waved their butts in the other two's direction.

"So to make sure I really understand," Sai was saying calmly to the two newcomers, "These five, especially Sasuke, will be going back with you?"

"Yes," Kisame nodded as he grabbed the rope, tied around Itachi and Deidara, and began walking toward a van.

"But I don't wanna go!" Ino pouted, clinging to Shikamaru as Sasori pulled her from behind. "Can't you see I-"

"Don't care, Kakashi wants you back." Sasori said calmly.

"But I don't want Gaara to go," Hinata and Neji said as one. In the distance Naruto made out a faint, "Hurry up before they get in the van!" he was pretty sure that was Gaara. The second the red head had layed eyes on Kisame and Sasori, he had broke into a jig and took off running. Naruto had to admit it was pretty funny. Kiba's reaction had been just as amusing. Hinata's stalker had fallen to his knees and became a man of god.

"Wonderful," Sai nodded in joy. Where was Sakura in all of this? Well, Naruto wasn't sure. The last time he saw her, Sasuke and Sai were taking her to show her something they found on the otherside of town. When they came back she was gone. Naruto couldn't bring himself to question where she had gone, he only wished the other two would have stayed there as well.

"I'm not going." Sasuke stated, crossing his arms as he dared Sasori or Kisame to make him.

"Sasuke," Kisame sighed, dragging the screaming idoits, "You have no choice. You signed a contra-"

"Contract?" Sasuke smirked, "I signed a damn napkin with a mustard stain."

"Oh Kyuubi, don't let them take me!" Deidara cried, removing his shoe and reaching for the dancing red head with his toes, being on how his hands were tied behind his back and connected to Itachi's.

"Hidan, I order you to order them to release me!" Itachi ordered.

"Go freedom! Go Freedom! Go! Go!" Kyuubi and Hidan sang as they skipped in pace and thrust out their arms and pulled them back in only to do it again.

"Sasuke let's go." Sasori ordered once he finally had Ino thrown over his shoulder. Ino, who was now bound in tape from her mouth to her hands and her feet. Where did Sasori get the tape? "We have to pick up Yamato before he does something even more stupid. Kisame did you call Kakashi?"

"As soon as I saw Deidara chasing his new lover boy down the driveway." Kisame answered. "Sasuke, Gaara is waiting in a hot van, with the windows up, lets go."

"He's an idiot," Sasuke stated. "I'm not going."

"You have to," Sai argued, "This, Mashi guy wants you."

"Kakashi," Kisame corrected. "And yes he does. You have a concert in a few days."

"I won't sing." Sasuke stated as he wrapped himself around Naruto's form. "And you can't make me."

"Me either!" Deidara cried. "Kyuubi, my love, I'll only sing for you!"

In the background Kyuubi was still singing "Go freedom! Go Freedom! Go! Go!" and dancing.

"Leather is not made for heat!" Gaara shouted from the van, sweat falling down his face.

"Shikamaru save me!" Ino cried out, getting the tape off her mouth.

"Okay!" came Shikamaru's heroic reply.

"If you try to save her, I'll knock you out." Sasori warned.  
"Okay," came Shikamaru's timid reply.

"Itachi chew thru the ropes!" Deidara shouted and began to try and bite the ropes.

"Good idea!" Itachi shouted and then pulled away when he cut his tongue. "Bad idea! Bad idea!" he said with his tongue sticking out.

"Naruto make them leave. They have to honor their contracts!" Sai glared at Sasuke.

"That is true," Naruto nodded making Sasuke gasp in shock, "But I've never been to a concert." at this Sai gasped and Sasuke grinned.

"Buy a ticket!" Kisame grumbled as he strugged to pull the two farther. Which was now impossible because Deidara's monkey toes were curled around the railing of the porch.

"Did you just yell at me?" Naruto asked softly.

"N-no." Kisame answered freezing like everyone else.

"Funny, I could have sworn you did." Naruto went on, crossing his arms, he narrowed his eyes at the man.

"It wasn't meant to be," Kisame paled.

"Hmmm, release the idiots." Naruto ordered and smirked when the two were free. Ignoring Kyuubi's and Hidan's gasp of shock at being tackled to the ground he said, "Sasori put Ino down. Gaara get out of the van. Good, now that we got that settled, my mom called and said she wants to paint our house yellow. So Kyuubi, you, Kisame, and Deidara go buy the paint. Kisame, you'll pay for it, make sure you spend a lot of money. Sasori, go with Neji and Hinata to go track down the paintburshes and rollers in the storage room. Sai, Ino, and Shikamaru, go wash down the house and then dry it up. Kiba, Itachi, and Sasuke, go behind them and do whatever needs to be done to get the current paint off so we can paint it yellow."

"What about Kakashi?" Kisame asked fearfully.

"Give me your phone." Naruto ordered. Once in his hand, he searched for this Kakashi person and dialed.

"Kisame please tell me you found them!" Kakashi yelled.

"Did you just yell at me?" Naruto demanded.

"N-no." came the fearful reply.

"I think you did. You know what?"

"What?"  
"Buy me a car."

"O-okay,"

K-m-H

"Kakashi, are you okay?" Haku asked him when he had yet to put the phone down. He had been sitting like that for over an hour and Haku was starting to worry.

"I...I do-n't k-k-k-know." Kakashi whispered. "D-do y-yo-you re-re-member wh-where Y-Y-Yamato s-s-said I c-could buy a f-f-f-f-ford pi-pi-pick-up?"

"Why are you buying a ford pick-up?" Haku frowned. "Why are you stuttering?"

"He t-t-told me t-t-to."

"Who?"

"I d-d-d-don't kn-kn-know but I'm af-af-af-af-raid w-what w-w-w-ill ha-ha-ha-ha-h-appen i-if I d-d-d-don't b-b-buy h-h-him o-o-one."


End file.
